Unfortunately, life has taken a strange turn for me in last few weeks. A turn that has left me feeling upside down and lost.
Three mondays ago, I planned a lunch date with a girlfriend of mine and her little one. Bug and I loaded up in the car and headed to a local sandwich/soup restaurant. As I pulled up to the stop light right before the restaurant, this sick feeling came over me. I felt like I should turn around and go home- but instead I ignored my gut and I forged on.
[a side note to this story is that I have not seen/heard from Bug's dad in 5 months][there is a long history of verbal/emotional abuse, and a few instances of physical abuse- that have landed us in a situation where I cannot speak to him or see him without being in a lot of fear].
Keeping that in mind, Bug and I arrive at the sandwich shop and are greeted by my friend and her baby. We get into line to order, and out of nowhere we are bombarded by Bug's father. He began trying to grab Bug from my arms- she was screaming and clinging to me. The whole exchange ended in the police being called- and a domestic violence battery charge being filed against him.
Fast forward to this past monday- the first day of spring break- and the first of a series of hearings that I will have to attend to determine the custody situation of my daughter.
This first hearing was for the order of protection I currently have. It was to determine whether it should be made permanent. My lawyer was tied up in another previously scheduled hearing- so I was supposed to request a continuance and that was to be the end of it.
Of course, things never go as planned.
Her father's lawyer ended up objecting to the continuance and through a series of strange events (including the judge ordering my lawyer to leave her hearing to come to his court which cannot happen. and did not happen.) the judge ordered me to decide the visitation situation right then.
So without hearing an evidence as to why I wanted to order of protection or anything- the judge quickly began trying to sort out what was best for her father- instead of my daughter.
I plan to continue to blog about my experiences in court- and would love to hear about others experiences as I go through this long journey.
That is terrible. It boggles my mind what judges do sometimes. You would think your daughter would be the main focus here, not the father who had a domestic violence charge against him. I really hope everything works out for you and your daughter in court.
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best as this moves forward. As difficult as it is, try to remember patience and restraint in court, diligence and tenacity outside it.
ReplyDeleteCourt preceding s regarding children are always aggravating. We adopted our now seventeen year old son when he was thirteen. He was abandoned in foster care for five years. We had been trying to adopt him for two of those years, before it finally happened. I don't understand how their can be so many flaws regarding the innocence of children's legal rights. We throw people in jail for doing less to a dog! No, I'm not an advocate of animal cruelty either, but c'mon?
ReplyDeleteMy family went through a very messy divorce while I was young, and I know you already know this, but I must remind you: keep your head. Let your ex make an ass of himself (anger is the key), but don't do anything at all that makes you look even flustered in court. Both of my parents were on an even competency footing but my dad lost the custody battle because he got "agitated" in court. Just keep it cool, and it will win you more battles than a good argument in front of a judge.
ReplyDeleteGood luck
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ReplyDeleteThis is so unfair for you and your child. We went through a long legal battle to try and get visitation with my step-daughter. We fought for 5 years paying 687 a month in child support and were denied visitation over and over. When she turned 6 we decided to sign over the right and allow her to be adopted by her step Dad because she had not seen us since she was 1. We just found out that her mother has been in rehab and is fight a drug addiction. We cannot do anything about this. This is unfair for the child. We have a staple life and own 2 houses. I hope the court system works in your favor because you are a good person doing what is best for your child. We thought we were doing the same thing. If we would have know what the mother was going to do we would have never aloud this to happen. My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteSweetheart! I'm sorry but i literally teared up just from reading this. I can't even begin to imagine what or how your feeling, and what your daughter might be thinking. I don't know firsthand what it's like to have a child from what i hear the love is more consuming than anythings else. I'm so sorry your dealing with this. I hope you have good friends or family backing you up during a time like this. If not, or if you need someone to talk to, i have the ridiculous curly hair in class and i am totally willing to help.
ReplyDeleteThat's horrible. I'm so sorry about what happened. First off, your daughter does not deserve this. And, as a loving single mom, you do not deserve this too! I just hate how other people can be so selfish and try to take away the only thing that keeps you going in this world. Don't worry, I know for a fact that karma would get him back. Just hang in there, and hopefully this would all be over in your favor.
ReplyDeleteThat's horrible. I'm so sorry about what happened. First off, your daughter does not deserve this. And, as a loving single mom, you do not deserve this too! I just hate how other people can be so selfish and try to take away the only thing that keeps you going in this world. Don't worry, I know for a fact that karma would get him back. Just hang in there, and hopefully this would all be over in your favor.
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